Tuesday, 1 March 2011


Here's the thrilling conclusion to the story I began yesterday :) I hope you enjoy:

Morning dawned on the reef. This is of course a pretty crappy opening to a story but you're probably forgetting that there has already been a part one to this story.

Anyway, morning dawned on the reef. The general population of the fish woke up and started going about their day. The sharks settled down into their hiding places and tried their best to merge into the surroundings, this wasn't hard to do as fish are just like humans. They will completely ignore things that don't concern them.

That night, the sharks came out of hiding and started their plan. Now this is a completely stupid way of continuing with a story. First of all a whole day has gone by without mention. Obviously nothing interesting happened but still there needs to be some comment. So as the reef was so boring I shall take you to something interesting happening on an airfield a few hundred miles away from the reef.

Two men are pushing various items into the cargo hold of a large plane. These items are mainly boxes of food. They pack in silence for a while. Then one of them looks at the next few items that need placing inside.

"Jim! What the hell are the plants for?" He asked.

"Well Charlie, it makes it look like we're delivering more than we actually are if we bring plants placed in pots."

"But this is a third world country. Should we really be doing something like that?"

"Yes. Maybe the plants will survive there and then we will have given a whole lot."

They fell back into a thoughtful silence as they packed the last of the supplies.

"Right then. Have a good flight Jim." Charlie said as he started walking away.

"Wait Charlie. You have to come with me."


"Well the cargo hold door's broken, so I need somebody to hold down the switch for the whole journey."

"Fuck that. Use selotape or something!"

"And if the selotape suddenly gives out half way and all of the cargo is lost?"

"I don't know, fake your death or something that way people can't be pissed with you."

Charlie walked off leaving Jim to contemplate how to make the journey without help.

Right then, back to the reef!

That night, the sharks came out of hiding and started their plan. It was a hideously evil plan that was even worse than the sharks just eating all of the fish. They were going to seal the reef and create the worlds second ever shark supermarket. A place where sharks could just drop in to pick up a snack any time they wanted.

It's interesting to note at this point that the first ever shark supermarket was actually a supermarket in eastern London that sold only shark meat. It went bust pretty quickly and could technically be classed as one of those things that humans and fish completely ignore as it doesn't concern them.

As all of the reef dwellers slept the sharks went about building walls to surround the fish all the way up to the surface. This took them all night and the reef dwellers were waking up just as they placed the final rock in place. It was at this moment that Gargant also woke up. He examined the work that his fellow sharks had done and realised the mistake that they had made. There was no exit.

This made Gargant angry.

There's nothing worse than a pissed off shark.

Except maybe for a pissed of larger that average shark.

Which is exactly what Gargant was.

As has already been shown, sharks are very simple creatures that work in short sharp bursts of activity. However, this is not always true. When a shark loses it's temper they shoot off into the far end of the intelligence spectrum and can do some literally amazing things.

For example, the Marie Celest, the famous abandoned ship mystery. The crew of the ship were calmly going about their business doing nothing at all wrong when a shark that was swimming to close to the surface was hit by the ship. This normally is not enough to piss off a shark but this particular shark had had a very crappy day where his three course meal had somehow managed to escape after slicing the tip off it's fin. Also it was suffering from a condition known to sharks as PMS (Pitiful Motion Sickness) which for a shark is the most embarassing and useless condition possible to obtain. So when this shark was rudely brushed aside by the large hulk of wood it lost it's temper, calculated the exact probability of all living things in the region disintegrating and calculated what was required in order to balance out these staggering odds. It then performed the required task (which was something that was highly probable to happen). It was only after everything had disintegrated that the shark realised that it had accidentally included itself in it's calculations. It then floated off into whatever dimensional paradise shark religeons have developed.

Gargant was pissed off. More pissed off than he had ever been. And that was saying something. Gargant was frequently annoyed and was the major cause of most unexplained phenomena at sea. He swam around the perimeter of the reef looking for a possible exit. When he didn't find one he claculated the exact velocity required to create a shark sized hole in the wall while causing the maximum amount of pain to whoever happened to be the one hitting the wall. He then selected a shark at random to throw against the wall.

I only wanted people to like me! Thought the shark as he shot through the water like a torpedo.

After the dust had settled a nicely shaped hole was in the wall and was sufficient to calm Gargant down a little.

"What was that noise?" Freddy was swimming around his cave in confusion.

"It appears that we have some visitors?" Sammy said as he quickly re-entered the cave.

"The bomb squad?" Freddy asked.

"No, there are a bunch of sharks who appear to have surrounded our reef with rocks."

"Oh. And the exlosion?"

"That was the leader making a hole in the wall with one of the sharks."

"Ahh. So what do we do?" Freddy swam around impatiently.

"I suppose we just wait here until they go away." Sammy settled down against the wall.

"Or..." Freddy began thoughtfully.

"No!" Sammy exclaimed "We're not doing anything. Freddy, you always come up with these random plans in situations like this and they never work."

"We've never been in a situation like this."

"What about when there were jellyfish all over the place?"

"That was an amazing plan and it worked."

"I'll admit that it did get rid of the jellyfish. But, you did somehow manage to blow up half of the reef."

"You can't have a good plan without an explosion."

Sammy stared at Freddy for several minutes. "Ok," he said eventually "what is your plan?"

The sharks were getting hungry. They all circled around Gargant as he watched the town waiting for movement. The endless circling was starting to give him a headache. He got pissed off again but before he could act on it and kill off one of his gang, he saw movement. It appeared that a small fish and a squid were swimming towards the group. The other four sharks stopped to stare with Gargant.

"Why is this a good plan?" Sammy asked as they approached the sharks.

"Bcause it's got an explosion."

"Freddy! Explosions don't make good plans!"

"You'll change your mind when all of the sharks have gone."

"I doubt I'll be able to change my mind. What with having been eaten by the sharks!"

"It'll work." Freddy said calmly.

The sharks smiled as the fish stopped in front of them. The squid continued swimming up and three of the sharks followed it. The fish faced Gargant and his second in command.

"I think you should go now." It said levelly. This obviously got a huge laugh from the two sharks. When they had finished laughing they lunged at the fish. It was never a good idea to talk to your food. The fish, however, seemed to have anticipated this and had suddenly started swimming down towards the reef. The sharks followed closely behind it.

Sammy was confused. Freddy had told him to swim to the surface and wait there for him. Freddy hadn't explained that the waiting would involve having to avoid three sharks. Sammy dodged and ducked and dived around as each shark lunged at him. He was getting dizzy from all the required spinning he had to do just to keep each shark in sight. It was at this precise moment in time that Sammy saw his first ever tomoato plant. It was in a pot and fell out of the sky at a high speed. It smashed into the head of one of the sharks and instantly killed it. Sammy now only had two sharks to worry about. Technically a vast improvement although with one vital problem. He still had two sharks chasing him. After ducking and diving for a few more minutes he became aware of a large humming noise approaching quite fast. Looking up above the surface he saw a large metal flying machine descending towards him and the sharks. He swam as fast as he could away and managed to flee from the instant death provided by the machine. Hoever the sharks weren't quite as lucky as Sammy.

The statement "weren't quite as lucky" has just been nominated for an award. The award it is up for is "Understatement of the year". The results of this award will be given once we know who has won.

Sammy stared at the mess caused by the falling machine and sighed. Why did Freddy's plans somehow always end up working. It was at that moment that Freddy appeared next to him.

Sammy screamed.

"What's wrong?" Freddy asked.

"You scared me"

"Oh, well seeing as you're in a jumpy mood I'll warn you that the explosions coming soon. I trapped that shark down there and the leader one is trying to help it out."

"Freddy, isn't there one thing you're not considering?"


"If you're bomobing the reef. You're going to kill everyone there."

"Oh, I didn't think of tha-"

The reef exploded. This wasn't your normal underwater explosion with a blast follwed by a concussion wave, this was a full scale explosion of nuclear proportions.

After they had landed in the water again a full two minutes after the explosion. Freddy and Sammy looked around.

"Did I get them?"

"Freddy, you got the reef and the wall surrounding it, so I'm assuming you got them. Where did you get so much explosive stuff?"

"Found it."

"You found it? Where?"

"Just around. The oceans pretty big so theres a lot of stuff stashed around."

Before Sammy could answer there was a large splash behind them as Gargant erupted from the water. His skin appeared to have been boiled and his fin was hanging on by a thread. He turned in the air and landed nearby. He surfaced and started approaching them. They were definately going to die now. Nothing could stop this shark from eating them.

Nothing chose that moment to put in an appearance.

A parachuting man landed on Gargants back. He was about to learn that sometimes when people fake their own death, they actually don't have to bother with the fake part.

Freddy and Sammy fled from the shark as he ate the man. But before they could get very far they felt the presence of the shark behind them. They turned to face it and finally gave up hope. This time there was definately nothing that could save them.

After a job well done Nothing was planning on heading down to the pub. But at the last minute he changed his mind and decided to come back for an encore.

The shark approached slowly. It opened it's mouth to eat the trembling fish. They both closed their eyes as it got nearer. There was a sudden sensation of something massive passing by. And nothing happened.

They opened their eyes.

They blinked.

They blinked again.

They shrugged their shoulders and swam away from the now shark free spot in order to find a new place to live.

A few miles away from the remains of the reef. In the place where the olympic rowing team practices. There is a commotion. It appears that there isn't enough to go around the baby dolphins. They beg and plead with their mother, who by now has grown to blue whale proportions and can swim at the speed of light. She tells them to calm down and wait. More of the food should be along soon.

The End