Thursday, 24 February 2011


Once upon a time in the sea there lived a marvelous little fish named Freddy the Fish. No other fish in all of the world is like Freddy for one very simple reason. They are not the stars of these stories.

Scientists have tried to determine exactly what type of fish Freddy is but they have all failed. This is because the author of these tales can't be bothered choosing a type of fish for Freddy to be. Also it grants freedom for the tales to unfold, if there is a requirement for a lake then Freddy can magically become a freshwater fish. If there is a house fire he can become an aquarium fish. Flexibility is the key to tales like the one you are now reading.

Freddy lives in a lovely little cave near the bottom of a coral reef. He cleans his house every day with his tail. He brushes the walls and floor and celing. You can easily clean celings underwater, it's so much simpler to live under the sea. But Freddy understands that some land dwellers lack the basic implements to live underwater and he doesn't begrudge them their life choice just because they lack common sense and have to make everything so difficult on themselves, well all he can say to that is: FREDDY 1, HUMANS 0.

One day Freddy picks up his newspaper. This is an impressive task considering that he's a fish and thus lacks opposible thumbs or fingers of any kind and also considering the fact that he is underwater. Some people (the race that actually invented the newspaper) are unable to pick up a newspaper. So in other words: FREDDY 2, HUMANS 0! Freddy scans through the newspaper but doesn't see anything of interest. Unfortunately for him he misses a tiny little story in the corner of page 5 that says the following:

Unexplained Wave of Deaths

An investigation into the sudden increase in unexplained deaths in the area has unearthed some interesting facts. It appears that the deaths follow a pattern. If the deaths are ordered in the order they ocurred then it appears that whatever is causing these deaths is heading this way. This story will be updated as more news is heard.

Freddy didn't notice the story and he probably wouldn't have cared anyway as he isn't prone to panicing. Freddy continued along with his day and even found the time to go and see a movie he thought looked good.

A week went by.

One day Freddy woke up feeling itchy all over. He couldn't understand what it was that was causing the itchyness. Upon closer inspection of himself he discovered several red marks on his fins. The marks appeared to be shaped like one of those flying land dwellers. Freddy thought this was weird so he phoned the doctor, (another amazing feat as there are no phone lines underwater. FREDDY 3, HUMANS 0) he made an appointment for the afternoon and decided that he should rest for the morning.

He woke up at two and deicded to go for a walk before his doctors appointment. As he walked down the street he passed the newsagents and saw the newspaper in the window. The front page headline caught his eye.


Freddy was confused about this.

"What the hell is a chicken?" He asked nobody in particular.

All of a sudden his itchy spots vanished and so did the spots on every other fish in the entire ocean. For you see, Freddy had just logically deduced that if a chicken can't live under water then neither can chicken pox or any other thing with chicken in the name. How many people have done that? None? Exactly!


The End

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